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Ninja Gaiden Fan Fiction!!!
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Ninja of Sorrow
Dragon Ninja
Dragon Ninja


Joined: 09 Feb 2006
Posts: 2608
Location: In the forests taking a nap...*has a shuriken ready for Eternal Rapture*...
Gamertag: Ninja of Sorrow
NGB - Master (Amount: 1)

PostPosted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 5:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Masakado, the Red Samurai wrote:
Chapter 3: Revenge of the Stiff

Masakado lay back, cushioned by a squeaking matress. The air in the cheap motel was stale and cool. Bluish smoke curled lazily into the air above Masakado's unbelievably awesome head.

"Crap," Masakado said. "My arm's on fire."

[SCENE MISSING]

"MASAKADO!!!" screamed the buxom blond as she plumeted off the cliff.

"Just a second honey," Masakado said holding up a finger. He returned his work; the bright crimson numbers flashed furiously over the metal tube. A countdown. Sweat poured off of Masakado's helmet as he struggled to find the right wire.

Seconds dragged into hours, which, oddly enough, turned back into seconds. Masakado rememered the sage words of his grandmother, "Masakado," she'd said, "Always wear your turtle shaped underwear on Thursdays now, ya hear? YA HEAR?!? YOO LISTNIN' TO ME?!?"

"Grandma always was a little stupid," the Red Samurai muttered. Finally, painfully, Masakado fingered a bright pink wire. With a groan, he tugged it free. The numbers on the tube sped to zero.

Masakado took a step back...and the console blared angry red. "TILT!" It proclaimed.

"Baby!" Masakado called over the empty cliff, "I fixed the Playstation! ...Baby?" A single tear dripped from Masakado's unblinking war mask. "I thought what we had was special..."

"Tears for the departed, Masakado?" The Red Samurai turned to face his greatest foe, Al Gore. The former Vice President held a flamethrower in one hand, an electric toothbrush in the other.

"'Departed?' Oh, good, I thought she was dead." Masakado stood still. Then, almost on cue, the two charged at each other in unison, entering final, divine combat...

TO BE CONCLUDED...SOMEDAY. MAYBE.


bold parts are my favorite. Very Funny
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Masquito
Expert Ninja
Expert Ninja


Joined: 24 Nov 2005
Posts: 448
Location: uhh......what are we talking about


PostPosted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 6:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

all of i like Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
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chrispy?
Ninja Dog
Ninja Dog


Joined: 04 Dec 2006
Posts: 8



PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2006 4:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Daemon_Maior wrote:
'Departed?' Oh, good, I thought she was dead."


Laughing
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I'm sorry Ryu..
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miniaznguy
Dragon Ninja
Dragon Ninja


Joined: 23 Oct 2005
Posts: 2758
Location: unsuspiciously having an affair with your mom >.>
Gamertag: Miniaznguy

PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2006 12:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

lolzer...its just so random
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goninja
Expert Ninja
Expert Ninja


Joined: 18 Sep 2005
Posts: 442
Location: LA, CA


PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 1:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The best thing so far was one quote from the first post; "Masakado pulled on his rocket car." It's something where, if you read it too fast, you miss it. Genius.
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Ninja of Sorrow
Dragon Ninja
Dragon Ninja


Joined: 09 Feb 2006
Posts: 2608
Location: In the forests taking a nap...*has a shuriken ready for Eternal Rapture*...
Gamertag: Ninja of Sorrow
NGB - Master (Amount: 1)

PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 7:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

goninja wrote:
The best thing so far was one quote from the first post; "Masakado pulled on his rocket car." It's something where, if you read it too fast, you miss it. Genius.


thats the best part in the whole story. Very Funny Very Funny Very Funny

that and the Al Gore having an electric toothbrush. Laughing
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Masakado, the Red Samurai
Greater Ninja
Greater Ninja


Joined: 30 Oct 2005
Posts: 182
Location: Hayabusa Village Bridge


PostPosted: Fri Feb 02, 2007 1:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chapter 3.7: The Unrestfullness

"PAPER!" Cried the paper boy.

"Why are you crying, paper boy?" Asked Masakado, having just been named "Most Awesometastic Person Ever." Suddenly, his eyes fell on the headline: AL GORE TO REVEAL DIABOLICAL PLAN TO CONQUER UNIVERSE TONIGHT--SAYS HE HATES PUDDING

"That fatherless child!" Masakado cried, "sniff...I love pudding!" Picking his eyes up, Masakado shoved the boy a dollar bill and tore the paper from his hands, walking into the street mindless of the cars.

The boy looked at the bill in his hands. "Why, why this is a hundred! This'll just pay for my grandmother's operation! GOD BLESS YOU MASAKADO!"

As the boy turned around to go tell his ailing family this good news, Masakado grabbed his shoulder. "I gave you a hundred? Uh, whoops...I'm gonna need that back."

"Screw you!"
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sabotage
Shadow Ninja
Shadow Ninja


Joined: 26 Aug 2005
Posts: 5784
Location: Shh, I'm hiding
Gamertag: Critical sideFX
NG - Emblem (Amount: 1) NGB - Master (Amount: 1)

PostPosted: Fri Feb 02, 2007 2:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Awesometastic". Laughing
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Masakado, the Red Samurai
Greater Ninja
Greater Ninja


Joined: 30 Oct 2005
Posts: 182
Location: Hayabusa Village Bridge


PostPosted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 10:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Episode 33 - THE SLACKS CLOTTEN

"So, Robot Wife, we meet again."

Masakado's eyes would have gleaned with famaliar hatred, had he had eyes. Instead he just had the huge, freaky helmet...really AWESOME huge, freaky helment.

"[HA-HA.] [FOOLISH MASAKADO, YOU CANNOT STOP ME.] [I AM A ROBOT.]"

Masakado thought back to everything that made him fall in love with her before; he blade-like hands, her cold, steel body, the fact that she had to finish each sentence with the phrase "I AM A ROBOT." And her name, "Robot Wife," the way it rolled off his tongue.

"Perhaps not, but I know someone who can."

Robot Wife stepped backwards, just a little bit confused. Masakado smiled.

"You see Robot Wife, I brought with me the man who created you, the man who can deactivate you!"

"[NOOO!] [I AM A ROBOT.]"

"Oh yes. Dr. Bendover?" The room was silent. "Uh, Dr. Bendover?" There was no reply. With an exageratted "Hmm...", Masakado thought back to earlier that morning. He tried desperately to remember the cryptic warning that Dr. Bendover had given him, each gesture the little old man had made while gasping for air and clutching madly at his throat, before finally slumping over. To take a nap, he'd assumed. A still nap. A looooooong, still nap. With flies buzzing around his body.

But nothing came to mind.

"Aw, screw it." Masakado said, pulling a rocket launcher gingerly from his pants and blowing Robot Wife into ten million itty, bitty bits.

...

This edition of Ninja Gaiden Fan Fiction dedicated to Momofuku Ando (1910-2007)

We'll eat noodles in heaven.
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Ryu_Hayabusa
Shadow Ninja
Shadow Ninja


Joined: 10 Aug 2005
Posts: 11145
Location: The Netherlands

NG - Emblem (Amount: 1)

PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 5:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LMAO!
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Masquito
Expert Ninja
Expert Ninja


Joined: 24 Nov 2005
Posts: 448
Location: uhh......what are we talking about


PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 4:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

masakado you are great at this stuff Very Funny Very Funny Evil Hello
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sabotage
Shadow Ninja
Shadow Ninja


Joined: 26 Aug 2005
Posts: 5784
Location: Shh, I'm hiding
Gamertag: Critical sideFX
NG - Emblem (Amount: 1) NGB - Master (Amount: 1)

PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 11:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Your brain must work in odd ways. Laughing
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Ryu_Hayabusa
Shadow Ninja
Shadow Ninja


Joined: 10 Aug 2005
Posts: 11145
Location: The Netherlands

NG - Emblem (Amount: 1)

PostPosted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 3:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

sabotage wrote:
Your brain must work in odd ways. Laughing


Not only his brain I think Laughing
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Masakado, the Red Samurai
Greater Ninja
Greater Ninja


Joined: 30 Oct 2005
Posts: 182
Location: Hayabusa Village Bridge


PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 12:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

CHAPTER 17.2 - PANTS OF STEEL, TUBS OF LARD

"I wonder what's for dinner," Masakado asked aloud. Then, realizing his mistake, Masakado spoke again: "I mean, I think I'll take a shower."

"Yes...a shower." Masakado rubbed his hands and laughed evily.

Masakado stepped into the shower wearing nothing but a bath towel...and his armor. He switched the shower on. Warm, but not too warm. "Gotta think of the ducks," Masakado said with a sexy wink.

Masakado lathered up with some Yugo's Bath Cleanser (C), and started to whistle a loud, annoying tune. Too little did he see the ominous shadow that loomed in the curtain, too late did he hear the slowly approaching footsteps. Too often did he pick his nose.

The curtain was thrust back, and Masakado stared boldfaced at his attack. "I can't believe it!" he yelled above the din of the shower and the now cliche violins, "The killer is Teddy the Goldfish!"

Outside the tub lay the little, flopping body of Teddy, Masakado's childhood pet. Next to it was a foot long butcher knife, the cold blade reflecting the scene of horror unfolding above perfectly. For a second, everything was still. Then...it was still still. After about five minutes of stillness, Masakado leaned over.

"Uh, Teddy?" Teddy...had stopped moving.

"CUT!" screamed the director. He stared down in terror at the dead fish, his heart pounding, a cold sweat trickling down his face. "Oh...God...no... The People For the Ethical Treatment of Fish Named Teddy are gonna be on my ass like fire on a monkey for this..."

Suddenly, the sunlight filtering through the window that I just now mentioned just so happened to strike Masakado's god-like helmet. "No," Masakado stuck out his chiseled chest, and dropped his chiseled hand to the chiseled hilt of his chiseled sword and drew it from its chiseled scabbard. He took a chiseled step forward, and slipped in the chiseled water, breaking some chiseled teeth.

TO BE CONTINUED IN THE FORM OF A MOTION PICTURE THAT NEVER QUITE LIVES UP TO THE ORIGINAL...
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Masakado, the Red Samurai
Greater Ninja
Greater Ninja


Joined: 30 Oct 2005
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Location: Hayabusa Village Bridge


PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 1:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chapter Four - The Awakening (to be followed by Chapter Five - The Snooze Alarm)

Masakado got off his bad ass motorcycle, and flipped off his bad ass shades. Then, he flipped off some random people. But they were asking for it.

A small, fat man with an extraordinarily tall hat approached the Masakado. A broad sash, and a pair of broads, arms looped around his wide torso, identified him as the Mayor.

"Oh, Mr. The Red Samurai, am I glad to see you! We've got a lot of trouble in this dusty, old desert, and--"

"Outta my way, peasant," Masakado said, flicking the Mayor aside with his finger. The public official, tapped by Masakado's mighty digit, was flung effortlessly into the stratsophere.

"HA!" Masakado snorted. "That'll teach him to beg me for help." He turned to one of the floozies. "Hey baby, wanna see me beat the living crap out of more beloved city elders?"

"Anything for you Massykins!"

"Uh...yeah. Let's not call me that." Masakado turned, bad ass shades strangely back on his face. They caught the sunlight, glinting like bad ass shades on a Red Samurai's face catching the sunlight and glinting. "Tell me, what's wrong with this town anyway?"

"That."

Masakado turned to face a billowing cloud of smoke. Out of it stepped...

"Al Gore?!? But no, that's impossible, I slew you in pitched combat in Mexico; it was forty years ago today!"

"Fool Masakado! That was my twin brother, Al Gore 2!"

The ancient adversaries stared at each other. Masakado stepped forward. "But...how do I know that YOU'RE not the clone?!?"

"Wait, clone? Where'd that come from?"

"Didn't you just say--"

"I said 'twin brother.' Sheesh. When was the last time you cleaned your helmet?"

Masakado self consciously wiped at his helm. Then, he pointed in realization. "Wait, your mother actually named him Al Gore 2?"

"Yeah. She was drunk."

"I see."

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR MORE ADVENTURES! OR LESS. DEPENDS HOW I FEEL.
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