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Ryu_Hayabusa
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 2:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

goninja wrote:
Can't. Too late. Already too far into the game. Might work some other time. We'll see. Etc.


Then replay. I good artist knows how to please his audience.
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goninja
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 3:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

GASP! You oughta be ashamed of yourself. Prince of Persia is a PLOT game. You can't just replay it halfway through on your first run. Would you rewind Citizen Kane halfway through because someone else entered the room? I don't think so.

Besides, I'm the anti-artist if nothing else.
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Ryu_Hayabusa
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 3:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

goninja wrote:
GASP! You oughta be ashamed of yourself. Prince of Persia is a PLOT game. You can't just replay it halfway through on your first run. Would you rewind Citizen Kane halfway through because someone else entered the room? I don't think so.


Maybe, but you never said this was your first run, or I must have missed it. Anyway, play it until the end and enjoy + feel bad that a great series has come to an end.
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goninja
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 4:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, Prince 3 is good, but I think they're hitting the end of their creativity. Some plot elements are kinda silly, and the backgrounds seem to be largely taken from 2. But, another thread.
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Ryu_Hayabusa
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 4:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

goninja wrote:
Well, Prince 3 is good, but I think they're hitting the end of their creativity. Some plot elements are kinda silly, and the backgrounds seem to be largely taken from 2. But, another thread.


Yes. Hurry up and finish Two Thrones and get back to your run!
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goninja
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 4:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No problem. Winter always puts he in the mood for Ninja Gaiden, Prince of Persia and Otogi. For whatever reason...
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Ryu_Hayabusa
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 4:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

goninja wrote:
No problem. Winter always puts he in the mood for Ninja Gaiden, Prince of Persia and Otogi. For whatever reason...


Easy. Outside it is cold. Ryu has fire Ninpo. Prince is in Babylon. Otogi is slashing demons from Hell.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2006 1:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, back on track. I can't believe we went two pages without some sweet, sweet Goninja-ness. In theory, since I finished Prince O' Pop 3, you're safe for a while...unless I get Mortal Kombat Arma-jeddon for Christmas.

Right. Gotta save first. The only thing worse than dying and not saving right here is accidentally falling off the cliff, which I have done. And, wait a second...Ryu canít fall from the platform to the ground when itís held up with chains, but he CAN fall safely from the save point, even when he falls into the ancient tomb? Er, okay. More of that Ninja Gaiden logic I guess.

And my first death of the level, courtesy of a small pack of Zombie Bowmen. Thatís a nice opener.

Oh good. Thanks old man; a Great Spirit Elixir and an Elixir of the Devil way...you evidently donít know what itís like out there! I donít need your crappy gifts! I need a machine gun!

Now, wait, itís Blue Room first, right? Thatís the one with the free arrows? Right.

Here, you guysíll appreciate this. I recall the first time I played with Ayane in Dead or Alive Ultimate, I button mashed SO HARD (uttering phrases like ďcheating fatherless child game,Ē if memory serves), that I honestly blew my thumb up. Yep. Did indeedy. It swelled and burst and was yucky. Another Team Ninja related physical injury (donít ask). Anyway, from then on, if I had any serious button mashing to do, I always locked my thumb under my shirt, so to protect it. Now, I button mash when the Zombies start raping you, but this time, my shirt caught on the controller. This almost resulted in still another Team Ninja related video game injury, but Iím okay.

Wow. Ryuís pretty gutsy. If a shining blue path appeared in the sky, Iím not sure I would dashed out onto it right away.

Yeah, red room. I remember this. I INVENTED the whole ďjump on the spikes to escape the swinging ball Ďo deathĒ process. At least, when I got around to reading an FAQ (there HAD to be a better way to get past them, right?), it suggested the same thing. Some guide...

I hate the Slug Beast. I really do. That guy sucks. Heís, like, really annoying. Especially how he kills me and all. It turns out that itís easiest to just Flying Swallow him; I mean, itís cheap, and less effective than various cleverer strategies, but itís WAY easier when youíre being assaulted by various smaller enemies.

Ah yes. The most challenging part of the whole Suspension Bridge thing. Trying to pause the game and use the Lives of the Thousand Gods BEFORE you accidentally gather all the blue essence.

Oh, crap, GHOST FISH!!!

Guess what Iím gonna do gang? Iím gonna do the smart thing for a change. I preserved the bridge, so now I can go back and spend the living crap out of my wallet. So THIS time, I can actually face Alma with a chance, or, if I donít chicken out (like I did last time), might make that one-twenty fiend challenge (although, if memory serves, there were Red Ninja too, so are they fiends?).

Ah. A nice, juicy, life of the gods. 14-10, right-left. Who the hell keeps giving this monk all these gifts? The Emperor? Neither of them can be all that smart...

Okay. Iím going to make an effort! Iím going to try and take down that challenge (I can hear you all cheering me in real time)! Why, you ask? Because, if I win, holy crap, I win. Thatís awesome. If I lose and lose and lose, well, I already died like, fifty times in a level. And this one has Alma in it. I donít think itís possible to be more humiliated than that, so, what the meh.

Argh. I hate that stupid counter in the corner. I leave it off, and I donít see how many kills I have, so I donít think about that instead of the kill-ing. BUT, at some point, I want to see, so I sneak a look, and, crap. I either think, ďwow, that FEW?Ē or ďholy crap, I should take this seriously. I might justóNO! RYU! DONíT DO THAT!Ē

ON SECOND THOUGHT, if youíve already lost all those potions you just bought, and youíve only killed on fifth of the onslaught, that MIGHT BE a sign that a steady victory, complete with assured elixirs when youíre done, might be obtained by skipping this part completely. I mean, Ryu doesnít need the extra heat THAT much, right? Er, that IS what you win...right?

THEN AGAIN, maybe, by whatever stupid stroke of evil luck, you smite all enemies set before you. Huh. That was weird. All it cost me was all my Ninpo! And I earn...a Ninpo. Gee, thanks. Would it be stupid to activate it now?

Okay, wait, NO WAY! Iím going to die, unless, you know, a glitch in which a boulder suddenly crushes Alma to death occurs, but I swear...I had her down on the ground, and I did the uppy-swingy, forwardy Yy buttony attacky thingy (the thing that starts the Izuzu Drop; címon! Iím battling Alma on Master Ninja. I should be allowed to forget words), AND she was lifted into the air! Of course, she might have just been RISING into the air at that same moment, but this should be enough to fuel would-be Goninjas (there are so many) into combat. Er, unless of course, this has already been documented, in which case Iíll just shut up now.

YOUíLL FIGURE THIS ONE OUT LATER.
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Ryu_Hayabusa
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2006 5:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Simply BRILLIANT Laughing Laughing
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goninja
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 26, 2006 12:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Regardless of where YOU are, here in LA, it's still before midnight December 25. Which means, Happy Christmas lads! This is my gift for you... This is my craziest ramble to date... This contains all the language and typos of a mad-man... This...is Alma...

"I donít think Iím cut out to be a ninja..."

Hey, Iíve got an idea! Letís rename the purple shaft of light attack the ďIncredibly Cheap and Lethal Attack!Ē Sounds fun, eh?

There! I swear I saw Alma start to go into the air, but then I hit her with the (patented) Ninjitsu Uppercut (X, hold Y), and she spun, and hit the ground again. Oh well; doesnít matter. Ryu seems to forget that, she can be retained, once in the air the ole XYXXX attacks are far better tacked onto smaller foes...which is who I was aiming them at, Ryu ole buddy ole pal.

RYU? WHY ARE YOU DOING STUPID THINGS?!? I DONíT SEEM TO REMEMBER THE PART OF THE CONVERSATION WHERE I SAID, ďGO AHEAD RYU, DO STUPID THINGS!!!Ē

Oh. Yeah. Thatís quite fair. Alma can start launching purple balls, and in the middle of that, start launching some more, then in the middle of THAT, launch a third set.

HOLY CRAP! I FRIGGINí XYXXXed HER! I even tried to Izuzu Drop her, but the game automatically switched it to Blades Ďo Nurakoo. Please tell me no one knows about this. I mean, itís totally unheard of for me, so itís real keen as far as Iím concerned. But I must be boring all you Ninja Gaiden snobs with this.

Right. Cool moves aside...I STILL CANíT SEE WHEN IíM PINNED DOWN IN A CORNER! No amount of XYXery can save me there. And my utter lack of Ninpo ainít exactly helping either...

And, again I die. And, again, itís thanks to those two factors described above. Of course, The Light I can deal with; otherwise it wouldnít be much of a game. But the vomitous camera? I got nothing. Except for the word ďcrap,Ē which can be repeated over and over again, eventually culminating in a final, sick, ďOHHHH!Ē

no, No, NO! I HAD that one! I had NO health, she had NO health, I was laying blow after blow in that final death embrace, and one of those damn Whateverthehelltheoneswiththeeyeballs just, you know, slid in. Like it was a family FRIGGINí picnic! fatherless child...

I am going to design a post card. It will say, instead of ďWish You Were Here,Ē it will say, ďWish I Could See.Ē And do you know what will be on my little post card? A picture of ALMA THROWING FRIGGINí COLUMNS AND BALLS OF FRIGGINí PURPLE GODDAMN LIGHT AT THE WHAT APPEARS TO BE NOTHING IN PARTICULAR, BECAUSE THATíS EXACTLY WHAT MY FRIGGINí TELEVISION-MONITER SCREEN HAPPENS TO LOOK LIKE!!! Oh, wait, it doesnít look like that now...instead itís A FRIGGINí BLANK, BLACK SCREEN ASKING ME IF I WANT TO CONTINUE!!!

Yeah, okay Ryu. I guess I can almost sorta not really understand why youíd want to try and attack Alma, even when sheís ten feet away and thereís a lesser fiend right in front of you. But when you, you know, swing your first sword strike right at her, then turn around and swing at nothing in particular, I start to wonder a little. And by a little, er, I mean a lot.

COME ON NOW! That is TOTALLY unfair! I get locked in a Shaft of Purple Death (I couldnít see exactly how it happened), and as soon as I get thrown from that, Iím placed lovingly in the embrace of a Fiend that slams into the wall. Then the columns started falling...

Um. I think I need to take a break. Or two. If this keeps up, my computer will no longer be able to withstand my random acts of violence. BUT I WAS SO FRIGGINí CLOSE that...one time... Maybe just one more time. One more.

Once again, I say...why bother with the whole ďdrag you into the air and slam you onto the groundĒ sequence? I mean, youíre dead. No way around it. If that hits you after youíve already lost just a fraction of your health, I, by and large, scream no, then drop the controlled in a largely depressed fashion.

Ugh. I know Iím talking about those damn corners and my utter lack of vision a lot, but I swear...if I get locked in one, I either see just Alma, which I can fudge, or just Ryu, in which case I generally restart, becauseóNO RYU! Donít NOT Flying Swallow! Why do you think I jumped at her and pressed Y? For my health?!? Ugh!

Okay, wait a second now! WAIT A SECOND! What the hell just happened? Seriously, someone needs to take me by the hand and explain how, when I paused the game, Ryu was in the air, and when I unpaused, he was on the ground, and two columns were slamming into him?

And, once again, Iím utterly serious when I say I hate that purple shaft grabby attack. I absolutely DESPISE it. Even if it doesnít kill me, if it happens before her health is, say, NEAR flashing, Iíll at a point of almost no chance of recovery. DEATH! INSTA-DEATH I SAY! ...INSTA-DEATH ON A STICK!!!

OH MAN! THAT IS THE LIVING DEFINITION OF UNFAIR!!! First, a Shaft of Purple Crap catches me in the act of Throw of Izuma. However, by some miracle of whatever deity I happen to be praying to at the moment, I survived! Boy did I survive! I mean, I was living off of the gifts of lesser fiend essence. And said essence was on its way to me, blue essence, WHEN IíM FRIGGINí SLAMMED INTO THE WALL BY QUEEN CRAPOLA THERE! The essence was coming to me! To ME!!! Where the fvck do you get off?

Whoah! Sorry there fellas. For a second, I noticed that I was losing due largely to the lack of elixirs on my part. Heh. I thought the game was actually ďokay,Ē that I was overreacting. Then, I got lost in a corner and...er, Iíve only said it about six hundred times up there.

Now, I bet youíre saying, ďOh Goninja, quit complaining about the camera angles...it canít be THAT bad.Ē Yeah, huh? Then how come my last ďattemptĒ was 10 percent violent screams, 90 percent close up images of Ryuís butt?

ALRIGHT! YES! I finally lost, and it was TOTALLY my own fault! If Iíd taken the potion when Iíd thought to do it, I probably would be onto the next level! But did I?!? NO!!! My faith in Ninja Gaiden has been (slightly) restored.

Why not? Iíll accept the fact that Alma can summon continuous columns at her command. And, what the hell? Iíll even accept the fact that Ryu can block them. But why, oh why, does that HURT him? I donít think it should work that way. If my inhuman powers included the ability to deflect six tons of solid stone...never mind.

Okay, seriously now guys. I have my doubts I can continue keeping this log on the butchery of my ego (whatís left of it). I mean, I can only shout profanities at an unfriendly TV screen, and beg, ďNO! I PRESSED the button,Ē and, ďWHAT?!? NO! NO! No,Ē for so long.

Okay, you know what Iíd love? Itís not that I mind being killed instantly for the billionth time...itís just that I CANíT FRIGGINí SEE WHATíS HAPPENING!!! So, you know what Iíd love? TO SEE WHAT WAS HAPPENING!!! Cut me just the tiniest bit of slack!!! Look, what do you want? My neighbor? Sure! fatherless child leaves his sprinklers on anyway. Give me FIVE MINUTES, Iíll have his head on a plate for you.

Holy crap...I was just looking back, to see how often I used all capitals. This is another monster entry. Look, Iíll split it somewhere. Crap.

Sure Ryu?!? Why DONíT we do the stupid, instead of, you know, THE SMART thing! I mean, the stupid thing, yeah. That option is ALWAYS available to us, isnít it?!?

Hey kids, do want to learn how to swear like Goninja? Too bad! Choose one word from each of the three columns, and youíve created your own phun phrase!

Son of a crap on a(n) barrel !
Piece of crap of a(n) monkey ?!?
Sweet merciful piss in a(n) elevator !!!

Okay. Sure. What the sweet merciful crap in a barrel. Iíll accept the fact that Team Ninja are a bunch of cheating fatherless child who wonít even follow their own rules. But can you at least, please, PLEEZE, not make me go through the water, up the elevator and over the cutscene to get to my two oíclock ass beating? I can only watch Ryu slash at the cage instead of open it so many times before it REALLY starts to wear on me...

Oh yeah, why not? Letís make it so that Alma receives aboslutley NO RECOIL AT ALL, WHATSOEVER from the Flying Swallow. That way, when Iím still recovering from delivering a very small amount of damage, she can turn around, put me in a headlock, and, ya know, kill me before Iím even thrown. She really NEEDS the help! Why bother even having me register damage? Why not have her, in fact, GAIN HEALTH?!? That SEEMS to be the philosophy.

By the way, Iíve just beat my mouse somewhere off the desk, so Iím functioning fully on keyboard to do this now.

Oh, just excellent! EXCELLENT! Look here, Iggy-Tacky. I donít know how they handle it in your country, but in AMERICA, we like to have something called ďa joke at fairnessĒ pumped into our video games. See, when the purpleshaftofhopelessdeath occurs...thereís supposed to be a PURPLE SHAFT! Itís part of the deal. It give me that split second to start crying. And itís supposed to be there ALL THE TIME. Not most of the time, not SOME of the time. Not HALF OF THE TIME. Not how it works.

NOH! That was the closest yet. Probably. GAH! Itís almost FIFTY?!? Oh piss. In a bucket. Of cheese.

What?! Is that youíre only frigginí attack now? The whole column throwing thing? Oh crap, this is so...so...I donít know anymore! Sucks! Gay! Something! ARGH!!!

Wow. Almost won that time. It seems that Iíve become so good at running in fear and terror, that I can faithfully switch to the armlet of the sunrise. Hoorah. If only I could get a red essence at the outset of the match...

OH! See?!? See?!? Except I CANíT see, can I? I have to GUESS at whatís going on behind that wall. The game DIDNíT INCLUDE x-rays glasses, like the back of comic book, did it?!? That WASNíT in the job description! This is more unfair than a blind monkey trying to drive to Wisconsin on a tricycle!

You suck Alma...I HOPE YOU REALIZE THAT!!!

Okay, now Iím just getting really, really petty.

Although, to be perfectly honest, if Igatakiís goal in life is to seriously piss me off, heís achieved it, like, 837 times in the last two minutes, so, kudos.

And you know another thing I donít like? The simple fact that the Flying Swallow doesnít work all the time. And by that, I donít mean ďit donít make Alma die no gooder,Ē I havenít taken those Gamefaqusers words of wetdom to heart; I mean, one out every four Flying Swallows ends up as Falling Swallow, or whatever the ďdidnít jump into the enemyĒ equivalent is.

Okay. No. No way. No way in hell. I am perfectly (or thereabouts) willing to accept ALL the seriously fvck up physics of this game; the thousand and one things that make utterly no sense, the designers apparent lack of continuity between what works most of the time and what works some of the time and what works none of the time. Whatever. But Alma cannot come at me when she is halfway through the floor. She is NOT made of jello, and neither is said floor. Eh-eh. Not the way ole Alberto Einsteino would have done it. Nope.

Alright! For the first time tonight (as this IS taking nights...and nights...and nights...), I have lost, and it was utterly my own fault! So letís, see, thatís: me-one, crappy game-about a million.

OH! HOLY CRAP! YES! YES! DIE ALMA, DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SHOWED YOU WHOíS BOSS, LIFE AND LIFE IN GENERAL!!! HAVE I SAID THAT BEFORE?!? UH, MAYBE! I DUNNO! POINT IS, I WON! THAT MEANS I CAN STOP TYPING IN ALL CAPITALS NOW! WELL, FOR A WHILE AT LEAST...

Deaths: 66 PNA (probably not accurate (probably, yeah right))

Favorite word: Uh, Iím not sure I can phrase it exactly...I think itís the sound that goats make when you strangle them?

Special quote: ďNo Ryu, DONíT be an idiot!!!Ē
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Dark dragon herbal tea
Common Ninja
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 26, 2006 5:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL..the alma one was the funniest EVER Laughing Laughing
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Ryu_Hayabusa
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 26, 2006 5:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

An entire part about a single boss. Dude, you rock! Laughing Laughing
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sabotage
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 29, 2007 5:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I get the feeling Goninja is a master at fighting Alma. I don't know why, but when I think of Alma I immediately think: Goninja can take her. No problems whatsoever.
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Ryu_Hayabusa
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

sabotage wrote:
I get the feeling Goninja is a master at fighting Alma. I don't know why, but when I think of Alma I immediately think: Goninja can take her. No problems whatsoever.EXCEPT NOW HE GETS OWNED REAL BAD


Fixed.
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Daemon_Maior
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 9:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

genius.

goninja wrote:
Ah yes. The most challenging part of the whole Suspension Bridge thing. Trying to pause the game and use the Lives of the Thousand Gods BEFORE you accidentally gather all the blue essence.


err, just so you know; a column springs out of the wall on the other side too, so you don't have to keep the bridge in one piece.
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