ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in   

Master (Go) Ninja Run
Goto page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Ninja Fortress Forum Index -> Ninja Gaiden / Hurricane Packs / Black
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
goninja
Expert Ninja
Expert Ninja


Joined: 18 Sep 2005
Posts: 442
Location: LA, CA


PostPosted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 11:01 pm    Post subject: Master (Go) Ninja Run Reply with quote

September fourth is an important day for me; twas the day I was born. But it was September fifth that I woke up bleary eyed and found this monstrosity on my computer. To make a long story short, I apparently got (somewhat) plastered, left my own party, and started playing ninja video games.

It stops mid-level, so I'll post the rest in a minute; but I feel this deserves to stand on it's own.


“The highest plateau amongst the ranks of Ninja...”

Thus begins the Go Master Ninja Run. If memory serves, the previous, the Go Ninja Dog Run, genesis lay in boredom; this one lies in duty. That, and the fact that I’ve been drinking. I doubt that I would ever start this any other time, but hopefully, I’ll feel compelled to finish it (after completing the first Master Ninja run, an act so pragmatic I feel no pride whatsoever over it, I think my words were “Thank God I don’t have to do that again”). Anyway, September 4, 2006, a date that shall live in infamy. Let’s get started, shall we?

Things really start going with the death of the one and only Brown Ninja in all of Master Ninja mode (seeing as how I got into this business as a story critic, I’ll ignore the fact that Elite Spider Clan Ninjas work for Murai. Most of the time).

You can always tell it’s a bad sign when they give you all three starter weapons at the outset of the game, not to mention an early Lives of the Thousand Gods...

My personal greatest achievement in the history of Ninja Gaiden-dom is the fact that, Christmas of aught five I believe, I hacked off the heads of three MSATs in the Imperial City Infiltration level. This was in the original Ninja Gaiden.

Therefore, a close second to that, and certainly my personal best in Ninja Gaiden Black, is the fact that I defeated two expertly trained ninjas without moving a muscle; the acrobatically superior enemies leapt off a cliff for me. No such luck today, but it seems I haven’t totally forgotten how to play this.

Then again, perhaps I spoke too soon. Aw, my first death—just outside the fortress.

Amazingly enough, I just got to the first save point! Yes! That took me three hours my first time through, beating out my previous hour-long attempt at the first save point from my first run through the game...this time, it was closer to a tie. True, I abused the wall jump attacks to an unforgivable level, but I got a couple of ultimate attacks in. Pretty good for a guy who hasn’t played in months, let alone Master Ninja. And all it cost me was ALL my potions.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
goninja
Expert Ninja
Expert Ninja


Joined: 18 Sep 2005
Posts: 442
Location: LA, CA


PostPosted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 11:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

From this point, at the end of each level there are a couple of extras I've added, not limited to a personal kill counter. There's also the word (or phrase) I favored shouting, and something I said outloud which I found especially witty.

Oh crap! A box...with bats! OH CRAP! These things start exploding later on, don’t they?

Alright, round one with David Carradine on steroids. Okay, round two with David Carradine on steroids. Er, alright...round three with David Carradine on steroids. No fair! I even got an ultimate attack in that last time!

Holy cheese, I don’t even know why I died that time! Round, where are we now? Screw it. You know what? Keeping track of the number of times you die is a really demoralizing thing to do. In fact, the only thing more demoralizing would be to keep track of the number of times you hear the enemy ninjas snickering at you.

That or keeping track of the number of times you yell: “No Ryu! PLEASE don’t throw shurikens at Murai! PLEASE throw them at the ninjas that DON’T just bounce them back onto you! That’s where I WAS aiming them!” or, “WHAT?!? NO! That was supposed to be a BLUE essence! Not yellow! What the hell do I need money for at a time like this?!?” or simply, “NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

And come on, the whole weapons lock thing? On Master Ninja? Why not just invent a cutscene in which Murai punches your head and it explodes? Sort of a Mortal Kombat Fatality thing, yeah...

NO! NO FRIGGIN’ FAIR! NOT ONE BIT! Whatever dumbass said, “Oh yeah, just get Murai under two-thirds, three-quarter health and he’s toast?” That bum? I’m going to jam some Nunchaku down his throat when I meet him.

By the way, I hate counterattacks. I mean, I really hate them. Really, REALLY hate them. With an undying vengeance. Oh yeah. Master Ninja Mode is the first time the game has ever been unfair to me by not letting me keep pace with my enemies, and right now, it is seriously pissing me off.

HO! OH YES! TAKE THAT MURAI! BITE ME LIFE!

Deaths: 13 (and that’s not counting “chicken out” moments)

Favorite word: Um, it was “shoot.” Yeah. That’s what I was saying...

Special quote: (health so low it’s not noticeable) “I intend to die with honor.” (two red ninjas appear) “Or, I can die screaming ‘crap’ real loud.”
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
sabotage
Shadow Ninja
Shadow Ninja


Joined: 26 Aug 2005
Posts: 5784
Location: Shh, I'm hiding
Gamertag: Critical sideFX
NG - Emblem (Amount: 1) NGB - Master (Amount: 1)

PostPosted: Wed Sep 27, 2006 12:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

goninja wrote:
From this point, at the end of each level there are a couple of extras I've added, not limited to a personal kill counter. There's also the word (or phrase) I favored shouting, and something I said outloud which I found especially witty.

Oh crap! A box...with bats! OH CRAP! These things start exploding later on, don’t they?

Alright, round one with David Carradine on steroids. Okay, round two with David Carradine on steroids. Er, alright...round three with David Carradine on steroids. No fair! I even got an ultimate attack in that last time!

Holy cheese, I don’t even know why I died that time! Round, where are we now? Screw it. You know what? Keeping track of the number of times you die is a really demoralizing thing to do. In fact, the only thing more demoralizing would be to keep track of the number of times you hear the enemy ninjas snickering at you.

That or keeping track of the number of times you yell: “No Ryu! PLEASE don’t throw shurikens at Murai! PLEASE throw them at the ninjas that DON’T just bounce them back onto you! That’s where I WAS aiming them!” or, “WHAT?!? NO! That was supposed to be a BLUE essence! Not yellow! What the hell do I need money for at a time like this?!?” or simply, “NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

And come on, the whole weapons lock thing? On Master Ninja? Why not just invent a cutscene in which Murai punches your head and it explodes? Sort of a Mortal Kombat Fatality thing, yeah...


NO! NO FRIGGIN’ FAIR! NOT ONE BIT! Whatever dumbass said, “Oh yeah, just get Murai under two-thirds, three-quarter health and he’s toast?” That bum? I’m going to jam some Nunchaku down his throat when I meet him.

By the way, I hate counterattacks. I mean, I really hate them. Really, REALLY hate them. With an undying vengeance. Oh yeah. Master Ninja Mode is the first time the game has ever been unfair to me by not letting me keep pace with my enemies, and right now, it is seriously pissing me off.

HO! OH YES! TAKE THAT MURAI! BITE ME LIFE!

Deaths: 13 (and that’s not counting “chicken out” moments)

Favorite word: Um, it was “shoot.” Yeah. That’s what I was saying...

Special quote: (health so low it’s not noticeable) “I intend to die with honor.” (two red ninjas appear) “Or, I can die screaming ‘crap’ real loud.”


OMG, this is gold. I love the bold paragraphs. I want more man, this is hilarious.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Ryu_Hayabusa
Shadow Ninja
Shadow Ninja


Joined: 10 Aug 2005
Posts: 11145
Location: The Netherlands

NG - Emblem (Amount: 1)

PostPosted: Wed Sep 27, 2006 5:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dude, you should be a standup comedian.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Dark dragon herbal tea
Common Ninja
Common Ninja


Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 63
Location: Tricking on a football pitch

NGB - Master (Amount: 1)

PostPosted: Wed Sep 27, 2006 6:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Hahaha
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Fiend_called_Bob
Head Ninja
Head Ninja


Joined: 14 Jun 2006
Posts: 1123



PostPosted: Wed Sep 27, 2006 12:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ryu_Hayabusa wrote:
Dude, you should be a standup comedian.


even better , a standup comedian at E3!
_________________

Sig made by SS-Asterisk.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Pokey86
Greater Ninja
Greater Ninja


Joined: 12 Apr 2006
Posts: 107



PostPosted: Wed Sep 27, 2006 12:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LMAO!, man Goninkja you are gold.... All of the Murai stuff is the best, but the whole thing is crisp
_________________
DMD SS- http://hosted.filefront.com/Pokey87
Stylish footage/Scratch SS Hard Mode- http://hosted.filefront.com/Pokey86
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Ninja of Sorrow
Dragon Ninja
Dragon Ninja


Joined: 09 Feb 2006
Posts: 2608
Location: In the forests taking a nap...*has a shuriken ready for Eternal Rapture*...
Gamertag: Ninja of Sorrow
NGB - Master (Amount: 1)

PostPosted: Wed Sep 27, 2006 1:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i agree with sabo on everything. you are the funniest ninja here. Laughing

i love the Mortal Kombat sentence. Very Funny
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
goninja
Expert Ninja
Expert Ninja


Joined: 18 Sep 2005
Posts: 442
Location: LA, CA


PostPosted: Thu Sep 28, 2006 12:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You know what? The bigger the pain in the ass the level is, the better the material. Ergo, I think this is the best...thus far. Er, I hope. Or don't. I dunno. Ya got me all nervous now.

Heh. "Murai Kombat."
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Ryu_Hayabusa
Shadow Ninja
Shadow Ninja


Joined: 10 Aug 2005
Posts: 11145
Location: The Netherlands

NG - Emblem (Amount: 1)

PostPosted: Thu Sep 28, 2006 1:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

goninja wrote:
You know what? The bigger the pain in the ass the level is, the better the material. Ergo, I think this is the best...thus far. Er, I hope. Or don't. I dunno. Ya got me all nervous now.

Heh. "Murai Kombat."


Or Mortal Murai. Which is true. To an extent. I think.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
goninja
Expert Ninja
Expert Ninja


Joined: 18 Sep 2005
Posts: 442
Location: LA, CA


PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 5:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, here's one. Might be a bit shorter. Gotta get back to work:

So long Murai! See you in a couple dozen levels of so! Pick up some Proactive there buddy; you’re gonna need it!

Yeah, I’m feelin’ pretty good. You see, life ain’t so bad. Except when you reach the elevator and enemy ninjas take out half your health. Oh well, never mind.

Smoke bombs. Right. I’m really gonna use those. An ineffectual flash of powder is really gonna stem the tide of multiple (how many?!?) laser death balls flung by angry samurai.

Hey Ayane! Remember me from Ninja Dog Mode? Remember that bow you just gave me? Time to get reacquainted... I have to fight through the samurai again, but trust me, worth every bleedin’ moment.

Dear great god of Ninja Gaiden, whose name I once invoked in a lengthy essay but have now forgotten, thank you for putting health ‘n stuff behind those targets in the Hayabusa Village...alright, so maybe the odds are still tipped slightly in Ryu’s favor. Now and then.

Ah great, how many horses are there now? What is this, a numbers game? I hate math.

Masakado falls...and gets back up again? Oh crap, that’s right! He abandons horse in this one! Ah, but don’t worry. He’ll soon enough.

Ah, crap. Okay Masakado...you can fall for real. Any time now. I swear, if OUR Masakado comes in here and says something like, “I’m an unstoppable death machine,” I’m gonna get him.

Okay! Get me a t-shirt that says, “I Killed Masakado, and all I Got Was This Lousy Life of the Gods!”

Deaths: 5

Favorite word: Balls!

Special quote: “18-hit combo!”
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
sabotage
Shadow Ninja
Shadow Ninja


Joined: 26 Aug 2005
Posts: 5784
Location: Shh, I'm hiding
Gamertag: Critical sideFX
NG - Emblem (Amount: 1) NGB - Master (Amount: 1)

PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 6:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"I beat Masakado and all I got was this lousy Life of the Gods."


LMFAO!
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
miniaznguy
Dragon Ninja
Dragon Ninja


Joined: 23 Oct 2005
Posts: 2758
Location: unsuspiciously having an affair with your mom >.>
Gamertag: Miniaznguy

PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 7:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ah good al goninja...
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address Yahoo Messenger
Ninja of Sorrow
Dragon Ninja
Dragon Ninja


Joined: 09 Feb 2006
Posts: 2608
Location: In the forests taking a nap...*has a shuriken ready for Eternal Rapture*...
Gamertag: Ninja of Sorrow
NGB - Master (Amount: 1)

PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 7:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

sabotage wrote:
"I beat Masakado and all I got was this lousy Life of the Gods."


LMFAO!


damn t-shirt. Laughing
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Ryu_Hayabusa
Shadow Ninja
Shadow Ninja


Joined: 10 Aug 2005
Posts: 11145
Location: The Netherlands

NG - Emblem (Amount: 1)

PostPosted: Mon Oct 02, 2006 3:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

sabotage wrote:
"I beat Masakado and all I got was this lousy Life of the Gods."


LMFAO!


Indeed Laughing
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Ninja Fortress Forum Index -> Ninja Gaiden / Hurricane Packs / Black All times are GMT - 7 Hours
Goto page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8  Next
Page 1 of 8

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group