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Now THAT is something you don't experience often
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Ryu_Hayabusa
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 9:17 am    Post subject: Now THAT is something you don't experience often Reply with quote

Tech Support: "Thank you for calling tech support, how may I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, is this the help desk?"
Tech Support: "Yes sir, it is; how may I help you?"
Customer: (in a very strained and excited voice) "I can't go to the bathroom!"

Understandably, I was shocked.

Tech Support: "Sir...I am not sure what your definition of a help desk is, but I don't believe I am qualified to help you with that problem."
Customer: "You have to. The nearest bathroom is broken, and the toilet is overflowing. I don't know what to do. Send someone up to repair it."
Tech Support: "Sir, we only open do troubleshooting on computers, not bathrooms and toilets."
Customer: "But it's the same thing!"
Tech Support: "Um, no it's not."
Customer: "It is too! It's repairing things! Now I want someone up here right now."
Tech Support: "It's two entirely different things. Computers run on electricity and have hundreds of parts. Toilets run on water."
Customer: "It's an emergency! Can you send someone up to fix it?"
Tech Support: "Sir, might I suggest that you use another bathroom?"
Customer: "AGH! I CAN'T USE ANOTHER BATHROOM! I HAVE TO GO NOW! GET SOMEONE UP HERE NOW!"

I put him on hold. For about three minutes. I hate to be screamed at.

Tech Support: "Sir, I cannot. I have no way to do that. I fix computers. Not toilets."
Customer: (rant, rant, rave, rave)
Tech Support: "I'm sorry, I really can't help you."
Customer: "Oh gosh...oh my pants!" (click)
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JuaNma
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 9:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

lol...Are you sure it wasn`t a joke?
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Ryu_Hayabusa
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 10:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nope. This actually happened at that helpdesk. You should be surprised how dumb some people are.
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sabotage
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 11:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LMAO.
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Ryu_Hayabusa
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 11:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."
Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"
Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."
Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages did you get?"
Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't work either."
Tech Support: "You did what sir?"
Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."
Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?"
Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would send me a disk that was broke and defective."
Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your A: drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?"

At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at the other techs to listen in.

Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what you just said?"
Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your crappy disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull it out."
Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject button?"

Silence.

Tech Support: "Sir?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"
Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer?"
Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our company because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent you, didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult your user's manual on how to use your computer properly, instead proceeding to pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"
Customer: "Ummmm."
Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do record every call and have it on tape?"
Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"
Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you. Have a nice day."

I am so certain this could actually happen.
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3ternal_Rapture
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 12:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shocked ROFL!!!!
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Ninja of Sorrow
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 2:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL Laughing

this month has been pretty random for this community. Very Funny
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DaLilWun
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 3:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLL.............................

Did he have to take a dump..? LMFAO.


And wtf at the second one. That's like saying OMG MY PHONE WON'T WORK BECAUSE IT WON'T RING.
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Edge AoM
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 5:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

At our place, the customer receives a recorded message every time they phone up.

"Please note, from 1st April 2006, that all Disclosure applications now cost 20."

This is now September. Roughly 5% of forms have to be sent back because they have a cheque for the original price (13.60), and we still get people coming on the phone to ask us the price of a Disclosure when they have just been told it 5 seconds before.

The funniest one, however, was this.

"You can apply online at (website)."
"Ok, well, I have the internet."
(pause)
"Ok, that's good. If you go to (website) and click..."
"Wait, how do I go to a website?"

The phone call lasted 35 minutes, with the person on our end giving a crash course on how to use the internet to the caller. I kept shouting to send them a paper form but no....
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goninja
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 1:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is sort of the opposite, buuuuuuuuut...

I have been back and forth with Dell for a month. It's over now, but it started halfway through summer when a computer I ordered didn't come with a modem. So they sent out the wrong modem a couple of times. Finally, we got one that went with the device, but the installation program was non-existant. So I called up tech support, informed them (for the 200th time) of my perils, and they suggested:

They: Okay sir, you need to install the modem?

Me: Yes...

They: Alright, let me give you a website where you can download the installation program.

He puts me on hold, comes back and gives me a very specific web address.

They: Okay sir, is there anything else I can help you with?

Me: Uh, yeah. I can't go online. I'm trying...to install...a modem. That's the part of the computer that makes me go online. Or do I have it wrong?

Eventually, a disc was shipped. And there was much celebrating.
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Ryu_Hayabusa
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 1:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Edge AoM wrote:
At our place, the customer receives a recorded message every time they phone up.

"Please note, from 1st April 2006, that all Disclosure applications now cost 20."

This is now September. Roughly 5% of forms have to be sent back because they have a cheque for the original price (13.60), and we still get people coming on the phone to ask us the price of a Disclosure when they have just been told it 5 seconds before.

The funniest one, however, was this.

"You can apply online at (website)."
"Ok, well, I have the internet."
(pause)
"Ok, that's good. If you go to (website) and click..."
"Wait, how do I go to a website?"

The phone call lasted 35 minutes, with the person on our end giving a crash course on how to use the internet to the caller. I kept shouting to send them a paper form but no....


Calls like that are funny, until you experience them yourself. Then you want to shoot the caller with the disc.
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Edge AoM
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 3:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

goninja wrote:

Me: Uh, yeah. I can't go online. I'm trying...to install...a modem. That's the part of the computer that makes me go online. Or do I have it wrong?


Very Funny
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Ryu_Hayabusa
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 3:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Some users even shoot their pc's. Lemme find that one real quick.
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Fenix Phire
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 3:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello? Tech support? I accidently cut off my hand. Can you go get me a new one?
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Ryu_Hayabusa
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 4:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here's the one I ment:

About a year ago, I was called out to do field service. When I got to the lady's house and was let in, the first thing I noticed was the smell of gunpowder. The second, the double barreled 12-gauge shotgun lying on the couch. Third, the big gaping hole in the side of her computer. (It was one of those Macs where the CPU and monitor are in the same housing.)

I looked at her. She was a little grey haired woman, around 60 or so. Had she? Not possible. Still, I had to ask.

Me: "Did you shoot...?"
Customer: "Yes, I got a little mad at it. They told me I couldn't hurt it, but I think they were wrong. Can you salvage anything?"

I mumbled something about not being a Mac tech and told her I would send one out as soon as I could. Then I burned rubber out of there.

About a month later, my boss called me in; he had the woman on hold. She had apparently complained that I was not competent and that I had lied when I said I would send out a competent Mac tech -- or perhaps I just hadn't been able to find anyone competent working for us. I filled him in. He paused for a second, picked up the phone, and said, "Ma'am? Did you put a shotshell into your computer? ... Uh huh...I'm sorry, ma'am, we really can't...well, no.... I'll try to send one out.... Nice doing business with you...." He hung up, looked at me, and said, "You think any of our Mac techs will go?" I shook my head. "Me neither."

We heard from her again last week, when my boss told me that the woman had called up to cuss me out, saying not only was I a "young whippersnapper" but also a liar, since one of our competitors had fixed her computer just fine, even fixing the little scratches and stuff on the monitor glass. That sounded fishy, so I went over and talked with the techs. After a case of canned drinks and a few bags of junk food, I wormed the whole story out of them. Apparently, about the only salvagable part was the hard drive (which the buckshot had missed), so they took it out, went out and bought a whole new computer, slapped the hard drive in, and presented it to the lady as her repaired computer -- of course charging her an arm and a leg.
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